Love, Sex and Cooking…

By: tutticooks

Feb 13 2011

Category: Uncategorized


 “If I could choose to take a complete vacation from feelings, I’d get so much more done!” I exclaimed to my friend Jillian the other day, “I’m sick to death of feeling everything all the time!”

Knowing I’d had a challenging week, she decided to be playful, “What about sex?” she asked.

Let me say here and now that Jillian is a boudoir photographer–a GREAT one ( She helps women to look into themselves, discover their inner beauty and she photographs them.  She’s excellent at coaxing true beauty out of people and reflecting it back to them in their image. 

I groaned.  I was in that sort of a mood.

“ESPECIALLY SEX!” I exclaimed!  Yes, I was a little crazy, but go with me here.  See above about how I’d had a challenging week.  In that moment, head cook at a Buddhist monastery was ver-y appealing to me as a job prospect. 

Let me interject something…my husband has a “nothing box” in his brain.  No, it’s true.  The day he explained the concept, light bulbs went off in my head.  He has a place into which he goes mentally and when I ask him what he’s thinking, and he says, “Nothing”, he means it.  I was so jealous I could spit.  I don’t have that.  I have a to-do box, a recipe box, a family box, a worry box, a music box and quite likely a pine box, but no NOTHING BOX.  Today, I wanted one and I wanted to crawl into it–fast.

“If you took feelings out of the equation, especially sex, then how could you cook?!”  Jillian pondered, “I mean, I’m sure you could, but wouldn’t there be something missing in your food that people could taste?”

I was speechless.  This, for those of you who know me, is really saying a lot.

People tell me I’m passionate about food.  It’s true.  But is that just a euphemism for being “sexual” about food?  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s anything amiss about this particular type of relationship (until the point you’re throwing your loving honey over for a cupcake, or five.  Then, I’d say there’s some self-evaluation in your future.)  I’m just wondering about what motivates me to cook, what is evoked in me and what I seek to evoke in others.  Not that it matters, but it sorta does.

There are some members of the opposite sex who find a chef jacket on a woman very sexy.  Personally, I think it makes me look as big as a house, but if you’ve seen me cook, my husband would tell you that I ought to cover myself from head to toe in terrycloth, because I’m a spiller.  In any case, I’ve watched men’s eyes bug out when I put the jacket on (don’t ask me, it takes all kinds).  And, yes, in college, we all talked about that famous scene in the movie “9 1/2 Weeks” where he feeds her blindfolded.  (As if THAT was the raciest part of the movie!)…but is that me?  I mean, is that the place from which my cooking gets expressed?  Or not?  And if not, am I missing a key ingredient? 

I don’t know.   Here’s what I do know.  I cook with love.  A love of ingredients, a love of the process, a love of my life that I get the privilege of doing it for a living, a love of my Italian ancestry and their millennia’s-old worship of good food, all of it.  And when I cook for people, that love has to be pervasive in everything I serve, because if it doesn’t, taste is affected.  And even if I’m not in love with the people for whom I’m cooking, (picture peeling 45 lbs. of potatoes here) which is rare, I can bring in all those other love thoughts and it’s there.   And, if I have more amorous designs for the recipient of my food, I am sure that sex comes into play, but is that the same as passion?  There are a lot of sexy ingredients with which I cook (case in point, fresh meat. I do love me a great cut of beef tenderloin, and when that seasoned meat hits a hot pan it makes a sound like no other ), and I do have a visceral response.  So…it’s a resounding… maybe.

What do you think?  Are cooking and sex related? Is it gender-based or no? 

For those who have been recipients of my meals, what do you think?

I’d love to know what you think…in the meantime, Happy Valentine’s Day, all.   I hope it’s delicious, sexy and one-of-a-kind.  Just like you!


2 comments on “Love, Sex and Cooking…”

  1. Food is life. Food is hope — it is the largest part of me that shows others that this life is worth living and that I appreciate them and wish for them a better tomorrow. It is a covenant with their very cells to nourish and love them.

  2. Oh, beautifully put, Stace! Spoken like a true Italian! Thank you for sharing…

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